Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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