Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
