My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
