If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
