just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
