Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
