He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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