remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
