I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
