I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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