I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
