I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
