when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
