I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
