biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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