I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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