Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
