"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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