you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
