so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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