Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
