I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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