I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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