you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
