In the future we'll all be gay
literally had 100 drinks last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He felt like a one man threesome
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
