I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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