oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
