How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
