Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
