dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
