At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
