my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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