You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
