Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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