Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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