Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
