All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
