i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
