Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
