I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
