Someone shit on the floor
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
