You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
