if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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