On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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