i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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