you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
