Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
