so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
