shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
