I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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