I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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