Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
