3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize