his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
