I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You dont lie about slip and slides
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
