I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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