i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
