the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
