I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Found your dick twin last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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