anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
