Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
