Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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