If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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