if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
