I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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