when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
