we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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