That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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