I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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