I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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