Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
