listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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