I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
