You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
