the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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