I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
