im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
