just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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